So where are all the good men? ....They are taken and those left are the ones cheaper than the 99cent store!
He's got to be able to support himself and someone else. No I am not looking for a sugar daddy and I don't believe men should always pay. I'm a grown woman and I don't need you to pay for my meal. If I want the lobster, I'm going to order it --and I will happily pay for it. But there's a big difference between woman's lib and plain old CHEAP men. Yes, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Cheap men can be spotted a mile away. It doesn't even have to be a prospective guy, but just a friend you've known. And believe me, I have some cheap guy friends. My girl friends aren't even cheap as some of the male friends I have. I absolutely rank being cheap as one of the top 3 worst traits any person can have. It's such a turn off.
One of my male friends is fairly responsible with his money and makes a decent salary but the way he behaves around me, you'd think he was living on his last dime. Perhaps I'm the strange one but if you're my friend, I'd still pay for you. True friendship relies on the understanding that you'll get me back the next time. There's gonna be days where you're low and I'll cover for you and vice versa. It's a give and take. I shouldn't have to be sleeping with you just to get a free meal --and only because you feel obligated to pay (because I'm your girlfriend and I just had sex with you). But this friend of mine, unless he's dating you--he won't pay for you. There have been some occasions where he bought me that $5 dollar subway sandwich (wow)--and it's probably because I paid the last 4 times and he's starting to feel guilty. And if it's your birthday, he is willing to buy you that annual drink. But if you want another and you have a boyfriend, he's pointing you in that direction because he sure as hell won't take out his wallet. It's one damn drink and he's already shady--yet he's telling the bartender to give him another vodka straight! He's already cheap as a friend, imagine him as a boyfriend. Ha! After the honeymoon period is over where your boyfriend offers to pay, what then? Is this stellar boyfriend going to start counting how many times he paid and how many times you didn't?
Friendship or relationships should never be based on money and you should never scratch off a guy just because he didn't pay for your movie. Men should never always pay. On that note, they shouldn't be cheap with you either. If the dude isn't willing to open his wallet now, he probably won't later. Don't let him slide if he says he doesn't have cash --that plastic card with his name and reads Visa works just as well. And if the merchant happens to take cash only--he can always offer to get you back the next time you're out together. Not having cash is a LAME excuse. Lastly, don't let him off the hook so easily if he claims he's broke from all his bills and low income. I'm not an expensive date or friend. I'm happy eating a hot dog and sitting in the $10 dollars seats watching the Nationals play. Low income just means you have to be more creative with your money. Okay, don't buy me dinner, but damn, get me some McD's nuggets! Really, it boils down to this--it isn't the money, but the intent and sincerity behind it.
Mama's boys: I admit it. I'm a woman. I enjoy taking care of my man. As corny or lame as it sounds, I'd want to cater to him. Calm down all you feminists out there. I'm not talking about becoming his maid (unless it's in costume) or become his baby machine. But I don't mind giving the occasional after-a-long-day's-work massage, rubbing his shoulders, making him a hot meal, running him a nice hot bath, or making his bed. But there's a difference in me wanting to do this for my man because he's been good to me in other ways and not because he's incapable of folding a sock or finding the 409. This is the man who undresses and leaves his clothes on the floor for his mom to pick up when she does the laundry. When he brushes his teeth, he forgets to twist the cap back on. When he drinks the OJ, he forgets to put the glass in the dishwasher and the OJ back in the fridge. The man who never remembers to pick his shoes up but leaves them strewn all over the house--with the socks still in them when he pulled his foot out. The man who can't make eggs and orders out 5 out of 7 days a week. The other two will be dinner at Mom's or his girlfriend's. The man who does not care if toilets have stains on them or tubs are clogged and ringed. He's okay letting it sit until someone else does it. The dirt doesn't bother him. Not only are they gross but they are big babies. They aren't looking for a girlfriend or wife. They're looking for a maid with perks. These men are a waste of time. Unless you have bigger balls than he does, a lot of patience and time, and you can train him, I suggest moving on.
Okay, so what happens if you do find a man who is ambitious, strong, responsible, isn't cheap, and knows how to cook and clean for himself? The girls and I did talk about this. We thought about the guys we went out with and laughed--it came down to personality. [Many] Men are assholes, but they're not stupid. They know they're assholes but playing dumb is a safer bet and less risky of causing a fight. Others were socially weird or turned out to be possessive, clingy, crazy, or cheaters. Just like men complain about crazy women--there's just as many crazy men out there.
Men don't forget how much they like you --and if they do--they'll go the extra mile to see you happy. They consider you in their decisions. I'm not saying that they should make their world revolve around you, but at least you're in it somewhere. Men who don't care won't do so. You don't enter their mind. So when you get upset, they are truly surprised. Because simply, you just didn't occur to them. One of my friends was seeing this guy for sometime until he was forced to transfer to another state for work. So they made plans to meet up somewhere in the middle. Yet, when it came time to meet, he forgot to book his transportation. He never booked a ticket, looked into train prices, or even checked to see if any greyhounds were going that way. It just didn't occur to him. It's like someone buying the deli meat, lettuce, tomatoes and mayonnaise to make a sandwich--but forgetting to get the bread. You can't even pretend to understand because it's so ridiculous. His heart just wasn't in it.
Men (and women) who are not truly interested will pull any excuse under the sun they can find--especially the two biggest ones: commitment issues and too busy. That's bullshit. How many men (and women) do you know who told someone, I really love you, want to be with you, but I have commitment issues so I'll just love you from afar? No one functions like that, and if they do, they have other issues and you're better off without them. If a guy truly liked you, he'll make time for you. Someone was complaining about how this guy she was seeing would never respond to her calls but claim that he was really busy. He had a set schedule of going to work, the gym afterward, and cooking dinner before winding down for the night. He wasn't willing to squeeze her in. Instead, he'd text her late at night "just to say hello." One, if he's so worried about staying fit, he should just run to her house to see her and run back as part of his exercise. I'm exaggerating here but the point is, if he truly liked her, he'd find a way to see her and still be able to do everything else. If the girl is right, she won't make you give up what you love to do. Second, texting late at night in "statement" format proves that a.) he hopes its late enough where she won't text back but he gets brownie points for making the effort to communicate and b.) he didn't ask a question so it's harder for her to respond and he escapes conversing with her. Ultimately, it's saying, "I'm thinking of you, but not enough to make me want to talk to you." You're not even worth 5 minutes.
You can't make men do what they don't want to do. You can't change men when they don't want to change. And you can't make men like you if they don't. Men are not stupid. They don't need to be trained, taught, or scolded on how not to be a jerk. You shouldn't have to lecture someone on why doing something is hurtful. If he cares about you, he wouldn't do it in the first place or apologize if it was unintentional. The only thing you can do is move on. But it's sure damn hard when there are fewer and fewer good men out there!
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