Line cutters

Terminator Salvation: I got to see a preview of this movie before it came out. Action movies are meant to be seen on the BIG screen. I don't know if I could ever watch another action movie on a small TV --and non-HD without surround sound for that matter. One thing I hate about free advanced screenings is the habit of people to cut. I just hate how over time you see the group of people in front of you growing because people are slipping in or saving spaces for their friends. The original 50 in front of us became 200 in the span of 40 minutes. It's so irritating!!

Same thing happens when I was in line at this Viet dessert place. This old lady clearly sees me and she just steps in front. I'm thinking, okay chill--she's old. She's got this little grandson with her. So another woman does the same thing. I tell her I'm waiting behind this woman. She looks at me and says "Oh, I thought you were just hanging out." Yes lady, I'm a creeper who likes to watch food being bought while waiting in a straight line with the others. Not actually buy. It's a hobby of mine.

Hahaha, funniest though is a dude who saw me waiting for a parking spot. As I'm waiting for the car to pull out, I see him driving in from the other side. I could see him eyeing the car. No worries, I got the signal on! Righhttt...Like jerks would give a shit. The way the woman pulls out, she's blocking me from pulling in right away. I could see him slowly trying to turn into the space. HA! I ram my break and pull in. Hit me fucker and let's see what happens. I was just done with cheaters. Felt damn good to take that spot I must say. He was screaming in my face....then a cop gets in the middle and starts yelling at the dude. Haha...he had watched the whole scene.

I hate it when you say that!!

I learned two things today: 1. I hate sitting in the hot sun, especially after drinking the night before and 2. I need to work at hiding my annoyance. I worked the College graduation ceremony today. It went pretty well. Usually I get at least 10 parents telling me they deserve to sit up front with their child after paying so much for 4 years. Yea you and all the other 900 parents. The amusing moments involved parents holding ridiculously large cameras, trying to capture a shot of their kid walking across the stage.

The only issue today was the heat and the headache that came after my previous night's outing. I know the self-imposed hangover is MY fault so I try to stay quiet and just avoid people. A "bit" hard to do at a graduation ceremony--so the only option is to to stay silent. If you're not getting the hint after watching me sit there in silence with my head bent, I do explain the mood. "I have a headache, I'm hung over and I'm overheated." Basically shut up please--and don't point out the OBVIOUS by saying all those symptoms are my fault. Thanks Jerk, I couldn't figure it out myself for the past 5 hours. Instead people keep talking. What makes it worse is if you already did something to piss me off earlier and I haven't gotten over it yet--ergo I'm further annoyed by your gabbing. Adding to the annoyance is the "Why are you being so bitchy/grumpy/rude/testy?" I absolutely hate that question.

Can't find the words

I can't seem to say anything right these days. What I say has to be just right and exactly what I mean. People get the gist of what you're saying and yet they focus on one detail or word. So I start obsessing and drafting what I want to say in my head 10 times before I say it to make sure I mean it in that way and it will be understood in the way that I meant. Now you see why my mind is jumbled! So I just stopped talking. I give up. Sometimes I do say things incorrectly. I once said "I was so shocked, I almost fell off the floor." My friends laughed. How do you fall off the floor Susan? No idea! haha. I don't think I have a bad sense of humor. But being corrected all the time is just irritating. I feel like I'm back in ESL class with the ugly nun hanging over my head ready to call out every pronoun I used incorrectly. I miss being goofy and messing around. But lately, I just can't relax.

Monday thoughts

It's funny how the deepest thoughts come when you're doing the most thoughtless activity. Seems these days, my mind tends to wander around as I'm driving to and from work. On DC's radio station 99.5, Kane kept talking about karma and how it always comes back around. God (or whoever/whatever) doesn't like ugly. You'll always get your payback in one way or another. Sometimes it won't come for awhile, and other times, it will come right away. You might not even relate your bad ju ju to a bad decision on your part. But karma always comes back. This is largely the reason why I don't believe in revenge. Yes, easy for me to say right? But I'm not perfect. I get mad and I wish ugly things on horrible people who hurt me. But in the end, I let it go. It's just not worth it. I don't want to hurt anyone in the end. Hurting them isn't going to make the hurt go away for me. I'm still the one sitting there heartbroken, offended, or sad. Besides, it's too much energy for me to stay angry. Or I should admit, the anger doesn't stay long enough for me to take revenge. That person will get his or her due without me.

Anyway, the topic of karma and letting karma take care of itself came up later today. A friend and I were talking about her fiance, past boyfriends and how bad they were to us. She just got engaged and was telling me how terrific her fiance was when he asked her father for permission to marry her. She just cried right there in front of everyone (and trust me, the father, mom, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins...everyone--was there to watch the poor man ask for her hand. Talk about stress). She couldn't believe how lucky she was to find someone like him. She loved him even more that day. She told me that she used to date someone who treated her like shit. He wouldn't even bother hiding the fact that he was checking out or flirting with her own cousin! She used to always sit and wonder why the relationship wasn't working. What she was doing wrong. Why he was being so mean and hurtful. But she always asked what it was she was doing.

It was like looking into some creepy funhouse mirror. I felt the same way. I used to wonder what it was I was doing that was making him react this way. What was it I said? Did I not say it right? Or maybe I'm not smart, pretty, funny, or thin enough. Maybe it's something I need to work on. I realized that I was always blaming myself--that I was always the one willing to compromise or take shit. It is true- girls always go for the jerks. It also takes dating a few (or a lot of ) jerks before we wake up, if some do at all. I know I'm still practicing some of these bad habits. I never stand up for myself when someone is being awful. I meekly complain but for the most part, I take it. Maybe I'm afraid if I piss him off, he'll walk away without thinking twice about it. Sometimes I rationalize that he'll feel bad later for saying what he said. Perhaps we need to stop thinking with our crotch and listening to our hearts so much. Whatever his excuse, and whatever mine, it's all crap.

So as she and I talked, we got to thinking that even though it was bad for us, we wouldn't be who we are without that experience. We wouldn't appreciate what we have now and how good it is without first seeing how horrible it could be. Just as much, we learned to love because of these bad guys. Maybe because I've been hurt so much that I know I can never do the same to another. Whether someone deserves it or not, pain is pain. I've been on the other side too often to know that getting your heart broken always hurts, no matter how tough the person. But now she found this great guy who had the guts to stand in front of a skeptical family and bravely ask for her hand. Everything happens for a reason. I might not understand it now or even tomorrow. But somehow, things always work out. As long as we find the strength to walk away and have faith that if we hold out for someone who deserves us, maybe we'll get what we deserve too. There's bad karma, and there's good karma. I truly believe in that. As long as I treat those around me with love and compassion, someday I'll find someone who will love me just the same. :)

Weekends are much too short

Why do weekends go by so quickly? Nonetheless, it was great. The weather was beautiful. It didn't rain for two days!

I saw Wolverine Friday night. Although I'm not much of a comic fan, it wasn't a bad movie. Well, it helped that three of my favorite men were in it: Hugh Jackman, Ryan Reynolds, and Daniel Henney! Hugh was hot as always. I think he had to bench press 300 lbs in order to prepare for this movie--but wow, it sure paid off! I loved the messy hair-look he had going on. And call me a sucker, but you gotta love a man who goes absolutely crazy when he thinks his girl died. He holds her in his arms and screams in pain towards the sky. Then --as expected, he goes after the men who killed her in this crazy rage. A lot of movies tend to have this same scene haha. I guess they realized it just gets to us girls. I guess we hope that a man will love us unconditionally and stop at nothing to protect us. Sigh .... :)

Although, I was so surprised to see Daniel in the movie. He's half Korean and British. I've seen him in some Korean movies such as Seducing Mr. Perfect and My Name is Kim Sam Soon. He became an instant favorite after these two movies because of his looks--except for his bad Korean. It was weird watching Seducing Mr. Perfect where the woman speaks in Korean and Daniel replies in English haha. Anyway, he played Agent Zero in Wolverine--a badass!! Watching him shoot a gun is just hot. Okay, he can be picking tomatoes on a farm and still be hot! I don't usually go for Asian men but there's just something about his chiseled looks and mysteriousness that makes me giggle like a school girl :)

Saturday and Sunday was peaceful. I always plan too much for the weekends and maybe end up doing 3 out of the 10 things I had on my list--and usually they are on Sunday night at 8pm. It's amazing how I can jump from excitement on Friday to utter disappointment on Sunday night as I dread the unstoppable Monday morning. Boo!!

Summer is coming!

I love the start of summer...there's just something about summer that makes people happier. I noticed this on the first day it didn't rain on Friday. It was so breezy and warm out Friday night. People were so happy on M Street. Girls were in mini skirts and skimpy tops and the boys --well...the boys were happy as well haha. People were sitting on the deck or open patio having a late night dinner and beer with their friends. They were just laughing and seemed so happy. Maybe it's because summer is coming and that means warmer and longer days, partying with friends, beaches, bbqs, and outdoor concerts. I can't help but get caught up in this. :)

It's the sports bra that makes me run

I hate running. But I love to eat. Therefore I run. It seems to balance out in my head (and hopefully my body). Anyway, I run so I can eat these meals when I'm just craving it and not crack my scale.

I have noticed lately that this obsession with counterbalancing eating by running is waning. I'm too tired by the end of the day to move a muscle, much less make something to eat. I figure that's a compromise right? Well, I realized the boost I needed was just new gym clothes! I can't quite explain it but sexy new gym clothes make me want to exercise. If I'm wearing grungy shorts and a baggy t-shirt, I don't feel hot. I feel like an overweight hag. Yes, I know I'll be sweating when I run and looks won't even matter by that point. But I need to feel good before I get out there. I'm not talking about slutty gym clothes (do they even make those?) But just a pretty sports bra and some fitted shorts ;)

However, it takes me forever to buy new gear. I try dozens of brands and styles. This is something I'd never bring along my boyfriend. I need time. I pose in front of the mirror, jog up and down to get an idea of what's going to be bouncing, comfortability, making sure the bra isn't flatting me so much I look like a she-male, etc haha. My favorite brand is Nike. They take into account women's curves. Even if you're not all that curvy, it emphasizes what you do have. I love their sports bras. Simple, feminine, and so light and airy. Their shorts just hug you right. I like that they come in a lower rise. They kinda compress a bit so you're not jiggling too much but nicely 'mold and lift' your butt at the same time. I really do appreciate my behind even more than usual when I'm in them! Haha. Under Armour is good but can be a bit masculine at times. Champion is a hit and miss. Some of their shorts are ones I plan to wear after having 2 kids. Anyway, I get excited to run if I know I'm about to change into my new tanks or tight capris :) Makes me hit the ground harder for some reason. For now, it's the only thing that's making me get off the couch!

The VA restaurants I call my kitchen

I LOVE to eat...I enjoy food. There's so many varieties out there. I'm crazy about Thai food, especially the dishes Thai Square makes! It's a family owned restaurant in Arington, VA. I've been going there with my friends for over 6 years now ever since I realized there's more to food than the campus cafeteria. The owner expects to see me at least once a week! Every time we go, we always order the Crispy Duck and Drunken Noodle. Their Drunken Noodle is just amazing. The noodles aren't too hard but not overcooked. They almost melt in your mouth. The basil, chicken, chili peppers and garlic are infused into the noodle. Then I take a bite of the duck and I think I'm in heaven. The duck's coating is crispy, a bit spicy, sweet and salty all in one piece. The meat inside is tender and melts like butter.

The next thing my girlfriends and I do is go to Seven Corners for Boba! I've gotten to know the owner's son pretty well. I should, I've been dating his store for the past 7 years. We should just have Boba children. He always ask us what we're up to today and we reply the same way --we just came from eating. He laughs and asks yea, what else would we be doing? Yes, we spend quite a bit of time eating our day away. You would think we're elephants but we're not :)

We love all the smoothies available that come with tapioca bubbles on the bottom. They actually taste like nothing but are fun to play with. They're squishy and sort of jelly-like. It gives the smoothie a different texture because there's something smooth, round, and chewy riding around in your mouth as you're slurping down a nice, ice-cold smoothie or ice coffee. You can get the regular watermelon, avocado, mango, strawberry flavors or the more exotic ones like--durian, guava, taro, and Viet coffee! All the fruit is fresh so you know you're getting the real thing. It's just so refreshing after a heavy meal or on a hot day! Although we get it in the winter too :)

We recently went to My Bakery in Falls Church for Bolivian saltenas. Oh lord, those saltenas are big as sandwiches filled with beef, chicken, potatoes and peas. The dough is baked but still light and flaky. It's a bit sweet tasting and blends perfectly with the saltier ingredients inside. It's usually eaten as a snack (street food in Bolivia) but I'm full from one as a meal!

The week just doesn't feel right if we don't go out for Pho or Super Pollo. On a cold or rainy day, the Vietnamese noodle soup with different slices of meat is the perfect comfort food. The soup is piping hot and infused with onion, cilantro and garlic flavors (and probably other stuff that makes it oh-so-good). It doesn't look like anything special, more like a high class bowl of ramen but it's just so comforting! And well, Super Pollo makes the best rotisserie chicken. The skin is crunchy and the chicken is so juicy. It's definitely not bland. I always get the rice and plaintains as sides. I use a huge dollop of the restaurant's special mayonaise sauce and ahi sauce. The ahi sauce is a bit spicy but doesn't burn your mouth. It just adds this amazing kick to the rice and chicken. Ahhh I'm in love!

There's more food out there I love but these restaurants are the ones my girlfriends and I continuously stalk. :) We just feel weird if we haven't gone to at least one of them during the work week (or maybe 2). And if we're celebrating or feeling down, you'll definitely find us there with mouths watering. We always overeat and act like starved children. Our eyes are always bigger than our stomachs. Or, maybe our mouth just break away from the food orgasms happening in our mouths. Whatever reason, we always leave feeling kind of sick. But not regretting anything! Hehehe...I'm considering going there after I finish this post!

Where are all the good men? I only see players!

I'm splitting this up into sections since it would be too long in one blog.

Where are all the good men? My coworker and I have been talking about men and how hard it is to find a decent guy these days. It seems that as we share stories about men we've dated, last night's dates, or even the male friends in our lives...we're left wondering, where the heck are the good ones? Every time my girlfriends and I go out, we do meet some pretty friendly guys out there and end up joining their party. For the most part, they are decent to look at and polite. But there ends the positives. Even the ones we meet through friends, parties, or events. We're nice, but not stupid. Most of the time, we just let you think your deceiving us. (This reminds me about why I think most girls always go for the jerks instead of the nice guys...another discussion some other day). But seriously? We know what you're doing when you put your hand on our back and lean over to whisper in our ear. We know why you keeping buying us drinks, and it isn't because we're all that thirsty. And we know that although you nod and smile, you can't really hear what we're saying over the loud techno music at Lima. But we continue to talk to you, partially out of boredom, and the other half hoping that maybe you'll impress us with something new. Then again, we always leave at the end of the night laughing at how lame the men are. Unimpressive. So where are all the good men?

Most men are after your body and the pleasure they'll get from it--your personality, however pleasant or annoying, just happens to come with it:
I was talking to a male friend about bars and women. He is the first guy I've ever met to tell me that he goes to bars just to meet new people, not get laid. The girls in the room laughed in disbelief. My friend is a great guy but give me a break--the majority of men out there are not out there trying to add more facebook friends. Take the bar or club scene, any man you meet is probably not interested in your "brain" unless your brain bounces the same way your chest and ass do on the dance floor. The bar or club is noisy, packed and probably too hot to really have a conversation--comfortably to say the least. Wake up women. Before he has even sauntered over to you, he has already assessed how hot, available and easy (but clean) you are--and how horny he is. If he thinks your worth the time, he'll smile and say hello. (and hopefully not use some lame pickup line) I'm not saying that all men are shallow, horny teenagers. But remember where you are. Most likely he's not at a networking function for work and you hold a Senior VP position. So why go up to you? As far as I know, it's still impossible to tell if you've got a killer brain from across the dance floor. If you still disagree, consider this, how many men have you seen go up to someone they consider ugly/fat/weird/etc and hold a conversation?

For the most part, if you two are talking, he's thinking he's going to get lucky either that night or 2 dates from now. Or maybe he just wants to cop a feel or get you to do something for him while he's out tonight. Whatever the reason--they could care less if you're smart, he's not there to give you a test.

Just because he's asking for your number at the end of the event, party, night, etc-- don't think it's because he wants to have lunch and make a new friend. He says you're cool and you two should hang out. Ugh, I hate the phrase "hanging out." Its over used nowadays. It's made it so much easier for men to ask you out without asking you out. So if you happen to turn them down, they don't look as bad. Okay yes, he takes you to lunch, and he asks you to tell him about yourself--but only so he knows exactly what you want and how to make you think he is what you want. He has plenty of friends. They are the ones he came with remember? Most men aren't really out there looking to add more women to their list of friends. If he were, you'd have met his friends and hung out with them. After he gets some, you'll be lucky to even find your panties before he's out the door or has started up your car for you. And while you're walking away excited to get back so you can tell your friends how you both had an amazing connection, how he was so attentive to your needs, listened to every word you said, and asked you hundreds of questions about yourself during dinner--he's probably high-fiving his buds and texting the other girl he met last night at another bar. It's all for the purpose of getting you into the sack. Sure, he now calls you a friend--of course, it's better than calling you his slut to your face.

I'm starting to realize why the older men I knew eventually got bored when us girls were 18 years old. After awhile, eye candy just gets boring and you realize the airheads are just taking up space as they wander around looking for the next party. Believe it or not, men do become bored--even if you are smokin' hot. No guy wants to feel like he's babysitting. He might like that you're 18 and initially, you will be cute and amusing to him when you rant over how you can't believe Stacey did that and Amanda is wearing that ugly outfit. It might have more to do with the booty shorts your wearing with the word Pink written across your behind than his interest in Stacey, Mandy or Candy--unless you're describing a threesome. But eventually, he'll want you to shut up and just let your body speak. And once he's over the body, he'll kick it to the curb and find the next hot thing. Unless you're in it for the "same purposes," move on...

Where are all the good men? I only see lazy bums...

Where are all the good men? I'm finding a lot of lazy, wandering bums...
Even in the lightest of conversations, say at a bar, I realized that they have no ambition or direction. This is also true for men I've known for quite some time now. I'm 25 years old. I'm not looking for a 40-year old, don't get me wrong. I'm not looking for a man who's already had his share of 18 year-olds and is ready to settle down with a woman who isn't brain dead. (Although this statement makes me laugh since I doubt that any man would ever say he's had enough of bouncy 18 year-olds.) I'm young and there's still so much I want to do in life before I really start thinking about settling anywhere or with anyone. But I am looking for a 25-30 year old who has his shit together, or at least getting there. It seems that the men I talk or meet nowadays are wandering aimlessly, hopping on whatever comes their way. Spur of the moment trips, 24-hour drink fests, and hours of video games with the pot within arm's reach and a beer on the side. They make their way into work red-eyed and smelling of stale beer. They get the paycheck only to spin it back into beer pong nights and making it rain in the clubs.

I admit, I've had my share of wild days and still plan on having more. There's nothing wrong with the aforementioned activities. Hey, if you enjoy it, do it while you're young and still able. That's what being young is all about. I'm actually not dissing the activities but it's the blank stares that come after you ask, "Yea but what else do you like or want to do when you're not drunk, high or playing Xbox??" that drive me insane. I love going out with my friends and having a great night out on the town. I love beer and I love dancing. But I also do know where I want to be and I'm working on getting there. You ask these men what they want and they can't tell you. They leave it open saying "I'm taking a step back to see what I'm interested in and what I'm really passionate about." If any man ever says that to you, it's code for "I don't have a f**** clue but I can't admit that that without sounding like a loser." I'd probably respect you more if you just came out and said just so.

I met this guy at a party. He was nice and polite and didn't give me that creepy vibe. But then I asked what he liked to do and he told me. So I don't blast him on the web, I can't tell you what he does exactly. But I'll say it's quite similar to teaching the homeless how to sew just in case they ever get a job offer in a sweatshop. And I asked, okay, so you're passionate about helping "homeless" people. (Homeless is just a sub so don't think I'm ragging on them) His response was yea, they're fun to hang around and it's okay for now. Okay, I'm a bit relieved--this job is only temporary. I won't be dating a guy who's crazy about helping homeless people develop a skill they will never use unless they're in China. So I'm waiting for the next response. Okay...what is the plan after? His response: Eh gonna wait and see what hits me. Yea, what should hit you is my hand you bum. You're in your mid to late twenties, you need to at least have a damn clue about what you want. I'm not expecting an outline of your exact activities for the next 5, 10 or 15 years.

Okay, this is where I do admit that not all men are without ambition. Some do I have a clue about what they want to do or what they don't want to do at least. One of my friends wants to go back to school. But explain to me again why the man I know is working at X place and blowing it on hefty bar tabs? It's worse if you already know and you're not even moving heat! If you clearly know this isn't what you want and you're just doing it to kill time, I don't see myself with you. I need a man who can offer something more substantial, concrete, and most of all, someone with a plan and making moves. Not a bum who is okay coasting. Just like a man wouldn't bring a slut back home to show Mom, I wouldn't bring a bum back home to visit my dead dog.

Where are the all the good men? - Those left are Cheap/Mama's Boys!

So where are all the good men? ....They are taken and those left are the ones cheaper than the 99cent store!
He's got to be able to support himself and someone else. No I am not looking for a sugar daddy and I don't believe men should always pay. I'm a grown woman and I don't need you to pay for my meal. If I want the lobster, I'm going to order it --and I will happily pay for it. But there's a big difference between woman's lib and plain old CHEAP men. Yes, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Cheap men can be spotted a mile away. It doesn't even have to be a prospective guy, but just a friend you've known. And believe me, I have some cheap guy friends. My girl friends aren't even cheap as some of the male friends I have. I absolutely rank being cheap as one of the top 3 worst traits any person can have. It's such a turn off.

One of my male friends is fairly responsible with his money and makes a decent salary but the way he behaves around me, you'd think he was living on his last dime. Perhaps I'm the strange one but if you're my friend, I'd still pay for you. True friendship relies on the understanding that you'll get me back the next time. There's gonna be days where you're low and I'll cover for you and vice versa. It's a give and take. I shouldn't have to be sleeping with you just to get a free meal --and only because you feel obligated to pay (because I'm your girlfriend and I just had sex with you). But this friend of mine, unless he's dating you--he won't pay for you. There have been some occasions where he bought me that $5 dollar subway sandwich (wow)--and it's probably because I paid the last 4 times and he's starting to feel guilty. And if it's your birthday, he is willing to buy you that annual drink. But if you want another and you have a boyfriend, he's pointing you in that direction because he sure as hell won't take out his wallet. It's one damn drink and he's already shady--yet he's telling the bartender to give him another vodka straight! He's already cheap as a friend, imagine him as a boyfriend. Ha! After the honeymoon period is over where your boyfriend offers to pay, what then? Is this stellar boyfriend going to start counting how many times he paid and how many times you didn't?

Friendship or relationships should never be based on money and you should never scratch off a guy just because he didn't pay for your movie. Men should never always pay. On that note, they shouldn't be cheap with you either. If the dude isn't willing to open his wallet now, he probably won't later. Don't let him slide if he says he doesn't have cash --that plastic card with his name and reads Visa works just as well. And if the merchant happens to take cash only--he can always offer to get you back the next time you're out together. Not having cash is a LAME excuse. Lastly, don't let him off the hook so easily if he claims he's broke from all his bills and low income. I'm not an expensive date or friend. I'm happy eating a hot dog and sitting in the $10 dollars seats watching the Nationals play. Low income just means you have to be more creative with your money. Okay, don't buy me dinner, but damn, get me some McD's nuggets! Really, it boils down to this--it isn't the money, but the intent and sincerity behind it.

Mama's boys: I admit it. I'm a woman. I enjoy taking care of my man. As corny or lame as it sounds, I'd want to cater to him. Calm down all you feminists out there. I'm not talking about becoming his maid (unless it's in costume) or become his baby machine. But I don't mind giving the occasional after-a-long-day's-work massage, rubbing his shoulders, making him a hot meal, running him a nice hot bath, or making his bed. But there's a difference in me wanting to do this for my man because he's been good to me in other ways and not because he's incapable of folding a sock or finding the 409. This is the man who undresses and leaves his clothes on the floor for his mom to pick up when she does the laundry. When he brushes his teeth, he forgets to twist the cap back on. When he drinks the OJ, he forgets to put the glass in the dishwasher and the OJ back in the fridge. The man who never remembers to pick his shoes up but leaves them strewn all over the house--with the socks still in them when he pulled his foot out. The man who can't make eggs and orders out 5 out of 7 days a week. The other two will be dinner at Mom's or his girlfriend's. The man who does not care if toilets have stains on them or tubs are clogged and ringed. He's okay letting it sit until someone else does it. The dirt doesn't bother him. Not only are they gross but they are big babies. They aren't looking for a girlfriend or wife. They're looking for a maid with perks. These men are a waste of time. Unless you have bigger balls than he does, a lot of patience and time, and you can train him, I suggest moving on.

Okay, so what happens if you do find a man who is ambitious, strong, responsible, isn't cheap, and knows how to cook and clean for himself? The girls and I did talk about this. We thought about the guys we went out with and laughed--it came down to personality. [Many] Men are assholes, but they're not stupid. They know they're assholes but playing dumb is a safer bet and less risky of causing a fight. Others were socially weird or turned out to be possessive, clingy, crazy, or cheaters. Just like men complain about crazy women--there's just as many crazy men out there.

Men don't forget how much they like you --and if they do--they'll go the extra mile to see you happy. They consider you in their decisions. I'm not saying that they should make their world revolve around you, but at least you're in it somewhere. Men who don't care won't do so. You don't enter their mind. So when you get upset, they are truly surprised. Because simply, you just didn't occur to them. One of my friends was seeing this guy for sometime until he was forced to transfer to another state for work. So they made plans to meet up somewhere in the middle. Yet, when it came time to meet, he forgot to book his transportation. He never booked a ticket, looked into train prices, or even checked to see if any greyhounds were going that way. It just didn't occur to him. It's like someone buying the deli meat, lettuce, tomatoes and mayonnaise to make a sandwich--but forgetting to get the bread. You can't even pretend to understand because it's so ridiculous. His heart just wasn't in it.

Men (and women) who are not truly interested will pull any excuse under the sun they can find--especially the two biggest ones: commitment issues and too busy. That's bullshit. How many men (and women) do you know who told someone, I really love you, want to be with you, but I have commitment issues so I'll just love you from afar? No one functions like that, and if they do, they have other issues and you're better off without them. If a guy truly liked you, he'll make time for you. Someone was complaining about how this guy she was seeing would never respond to her calls but claim that he was really busy. He had a set schedule of going to work, the gym afterward, and cooking dinner before winding down for the night. He wasn't willing to squeeze her in. Instead, he'd text her late at night "just to say hello." One, if he's so worried about staying fit, he should just run to her house to see her and run back as part of his exercise. I'm exaggerating here but the point is, if he truly liked her, he'd find a way to see her and still be able to do everything else. If the girl is right, she won't make you give up what you love to do. Second, texting late at night in "statement" format proves that a.) he hopes its late enough where she won't text back but he gets brownie points for making the effort to communicate and b.) he didn't ask a question so it's harder for her to respond and he escapes conversing with her. Ultimately, it's saying, "I'm thinking of you, but not enough to make me want to talk to you." You're not even worth 5 minutes.

You can't make men do what they don't want to do. You can't change men when they don't want to change. And you can't make men like you if they don't. Men are not stupid. They don't need to be trained, taught, or scolded on how not to be a jerk. You shouldn't have to lecture someone on why doing something is hurtful. If he cares about you, he wouldn't do it in the first place or apologize if it was unintentional. The only thing you can do is move on. But it's sure damn hard when there are fewer and fewer good men out there!

3 Annoyances while living in the DMV

Living in the DC/VA area has some amazing qualities but it also comes with annoyances. And most of those times, they come in the form of dumb pedestrians, annoying bikers or drivers who don't know the rules of the road. I love how people in the city love to exercise. It encourages me to stay fit when I see runners outside on the sidewalks. I'm from a small town in Connecticut and the only time anyone runs outside is away from the po-pos in New Haven. Instead they would prefer driving to a gym in order to run. (I never quite understood that concept when the weather was nice).

Annoyance 1: Pedestrians who should get hit because it seems the only way they'll learn. As a kid, you are taugh to look both ways or at least the way of oncoming traffic. Driving in the DMV area shows me that somewhere between the age of 3 and 18+ years the walker lost that lesson. As I'm in my car, a pedestrian will just jay walk in front of me --basically egging me to strike them in the knee for being dumb. Or I get the idiots who do use crosswalks--but forgot to look before they step out. Worst of all, I get the ones looking in the opposite direction of the one way sign. WTF? Even dyslexic people understand left vs. right. Why are you looking left if the traffic is coming from the right you shit? I'm not asking for people to get a complete car smack down don't get me wrong, but they should be tapped once in awhile just to show them that you are not Bruce Willis in Unbreakable.

Annoyance 2: Crazy drivers who somehow magically passed their driver's exam. Especially foreign ones. No this is not China. Those white lines are lanes and those lights tell you what to do. Follow them. You can't go wrong. I'm walking outside during lunch today when I come across a crazy Asian driver. The crosswalk is flashing for me to walk and as I'm halfway through, an Asian woman pulling out of the Chinese embassy decides it's also the moment she wants to pull up and turn right onto the street. Yea you can wait 5 more seconds until I make it to the other side. But she's giving me a dirty look. She honks her horn and slowly edges forward silently threatening me to break out in a run. HA. Honking at me in any situation makes me want to piss you off even more. Hit me, go ahead. I'll own you and your BMW. Anyway, as I get to the other side, she she's trying to turn only to be stopped by the DC cop who saw the whole thing. He's pointing at me and saying something. I can only guess that she just got yelled at for unnecessary honking. Hahaha...karma is a bitch.

By the way, any dumb driver who decides to open their car door when cars are coming should have it taken off. DC roads are narrow as it is. On top of that, cars are allowed to take up 30% of that space to parallel park, leaving close to no space for drivers to go by. Before you get out, take the .2 seconds to look in your sideview mirror to see if I'm coming. If you're stupid and you still open the door, you deserved any abuse to your door.

Annoyance 3: The worst offenders: BIKERS! If you are given a bike lane, use it! You are not a vehicle, and you will never be. It doesn't matter if your pumping your thighs rapidly to catch up with traffic--my engine will always kick your behind. Yet, bikers continue to pedal right in the middle of the street so you can never pass and you're stuck going at 10 mph until they decide to stop being a putz and move over. I wish I can pass them and stick my hand out just to knock them over. If you are going to be a vehicle, at least act like one. Get in the slow lane and stop trying to be a race car.

The line starts here

I've always hated blogs. I never understood their purpose. Why on earth did anyone want to write on this thing? Much more, who the hell wants to read this? Not even me. Then I realized after today that it was the perfect place to vent. I could say what I please and exactly what I thought without worrying about offending anyone. Well...unless it's about you and you're reading this. But hey, that's your call. :)

Today was the shittiest day I can remember in a long time. On the other hand, nothing major happened. No one died. No one got hurt. No one even cried. Yet, I wanted to deck every asshole around me. It's a shitty Tuesday morning. It was one of those days I knew was going to be shitty, where you wake up and you just feel it. I knew I should have just crawled right back into bed and waited for Wednesday. I'm driving to work in the rain and I notice that the worst drivers have reached a new level of shitty. I can't explain it. There has to be some narcotic in the rain that makes people act like complete drunkards. If you know me, I just used narcotic and drunk in the same sentence--clearly proving I have no clue about either subject if I'm pairing them together. There's this belief that women are worse drivers than men. I don't know about that. What I do know is that the female drivers look as if they suddenly forgot where the hell they are going and wondering how the contraption they are sitting in seems to get them from point A to point B, while male drivers cut you off --knowingly. Those males always turn around to give you this look of "Yea what, I know I'm an asshole. What you gonna do about it." Too bad I can't replace the horn in my car with a gun that shoots nails into your tires as your smirking your ass over the Key Bridge. Of course something like this is annoying, but it wouldn't send me over the edge--not until today that is.

Not surprisingly, I'm late for work. I park my car in the lot, grab my bag and make a dash for the building--only to realize I forgot my damn cell phone in the car. I drop the bag near the parking attendant's window, run back--only to discover I forgot to bring along the keys. Again, I run back to the bag. The parking attendant officially thinks I am insane--or plain stupid. I grab my cell, pick up my stuff and make a run for the building. The timekeepers were everywhere and I just didn't want to deal with another person complaining about tardiness. It was the day I knew to stay inside my cubicle and avoid contact in case the dragon in me escapes. I also couldn't take it if one more female co-worker asked me if I had a date or if I was planning to eat today. Moreover, I might just kick the manager who decides to point out the obvious to me yet again as if I'm a non-English speaker in Special Ed.

Anyway, I get to work and plop down my stuff--only to realize I left the damn powerpoint presentations on the attendant's window in the lot...in the rain. Damn it. I needed them for a meeting today. So I run back to get them. I have become free entertainment to the parking attendant. He's having a ball watching me. Of course, who wouldn't when he's forced to sit inside a 4 by 7 glass box telling people it'll be $12 bucks for the day --for 10 hours straight. It's now around 9:45am. I log in to Oracle calendar--to find out my powerpoint meeting is not today but instead, tomorrow. There goes my literacy degree. Perhaps I am the foreigner in Special Ed.

I had enough. I couldn't take it anymore. I do get mad. I realized that all I do is wrap it up, store it somewhere inside, and hope that it dies of suffocation and I get over it. I never want to be the petty person who complains about the smallest offenses. Get over it I tell myself. It's not that big of a deal, you're being a brat. I forget the feeling of being mad eventually. Now I realize that although my hormones are back on track, I never forget the offenses. The bad points begin to add up against someone and I'm slowly counting how many times he or she has been a complete butthead. I begin seeing patterns. I probably make it too easy anyway. That's my fault. I don't complain when I should and I let 5 incidences slide only to halt on the 6th offense. I guess I always believe that somehow, it'll be different the next time. She/He is sorry and it won't happen again. This was a special case. So, I reach the breaking point somewhere. Somewhere I wake up and I realize things haven't changed.

Combined with a bad day, I'm ready to deck any poor victim around me. Funny, I never wanted to deck anyone until today. I don't think I can for that matter. I'm five feet and my arm probably feels like a muppet hitting you. But today, I wanted to deck every asshole that cut me off on the road, forgot about dinner plans, pointed out the growing zit on my face, overcharged me for my meal, replied sarcastically to an innocent question, didn't text me back, or just breathed anywhere around me. I was tired of being run over. I was mad. And the anger was seeping out. I could feel it. Every word coming out of my mouth was a curse word seething with sarcasm and bitterness. My face is hot. I just wanted someone to say sorry for once--and actually mean it. Better yet, quit being the inconsiderate butthead. So the anger comes out, among other things out of my mouth. I'm not holding it in. I no longer give a crap if I've offended or hurt anyone's feelings. I no longer care that I look insane and not the calm, cheerful, and smiling girl you usually see. I just needed to let it out. And suddenly I feel better. Well, for the moment at least. Then I feel even worse. I hate the fact that I can't even be mad and feel good about it. I hate myself even more. I feel ugly for how I behaved. I see myself with my hands crossed and my feet stomping on the ground asking someone to give a shit --and I feel utterly ridiculous. I don't like being mean. And I'm mad yet again for feeling guilty about being mad!

It's late and I'm driving back home. The rain hitting my car is almost soothing as corny as that sounds. I don't even know what song is playing on the radio. I'm tired and I want to rest my head on something. More than that, I wish someone would hug me. Nothing major happened today. Again, no one died or lost a limb. But it's just one of those days where I got tired of behaving. I realized that I just need to let it out. I can't let it bottle up inside me. I'm tired of understanding all the time. I'm tired of putting others first before me. I always feel bad if I've hurt someone's feelings or made her feel guilty about something. So I hold everything in...until one day I explode. I can't do that. I already know I look crazy when I explode out of nowhere.

Yet I know that nothing will change tomorrow. I'll continue to smile, behave and try to understand the other side of things. This probably enables people to treat me like dirt even more I realize. I can't be any other way. Being a complete bitch and psycho feels unnatural and exhausting. I want to make those around me happy. (This is where I get corny and cliche) I enjoy making people happy and adding something to their day. Yea, I actually do get a kick out of it and I don't expect anything back. I know people say that all the time but I don't mind being there for someone. And if it means I have to wait 5 hours in a restaurant because it's her favorite, drive out of my way to pick up some Super Pollo for him while he's working, or even struggle with a 7 foot leather couch into a 5 foot door for her apt-I'd do it. I love my friends. However, it's those that I let in my heart who seem to know exactly what to do to play me. (I'm being general because not all my friends do this) I always find a way to justify the act. I'll say they didn't mean it. I'm being irrational. I'm over thinking things. This works especially well when he gives me a smile or she hugs me and tells me forgive her. I can't stay mad. I care too much. And perhaps that's my problem. I. Care. Too. Much. For someone who might not even care about me at all.

I park the car and go inside. I'm glad Tuesday is over.